mirrors

dont deny that youre concerned, if not preoccupied, with the way you look. it matters to you that your hair isnt falling the right way, or your cheeks look a little fuller, or your tummy folds when you sit or when you look like the spawn of some obese monster in group-photographs. it bothers you when someone passes a meaningless remark about how weird you dress/look/smile/act. and as much as you pretend you dont, you noe you care. you totally give a shit.

insecurites, in my opinion, are the most hideous features of a person. yet its such an innate part of everyone. its within our nature to doubt ourselves. because you're so paranoid about how thosepeople/ thatperson would regard you. but even after realising this, you make your judgements on others. and it is for this reason alone, that you mask your own insecurities. with a sense of humour perhaps? a bitchy persona perhaps? or maybe even a facade of oblivion perhaps?

and all this because you care too fucking much about what they say or think or do. that girl you've been contemplating on chasing, that boy you're so secretly desperate to attract, those friends who make you concious of how much you weigh. THEY. or maybe you, yourself, are part of 'THEY'. with your narrow opinions and your quick conclusions.

so after flipping those magazines, after listening to your friends discuss some 'serious' issues about how intolerably gigantic their thighs are, after walking past all those advertisements about makeup/hairtreatment/weightloss/fashion/skincare - you're left with bruised esteem and neurosis. driven by fear, you blindly consume products or do exactly the opposite. neglecting to question the detriment of your actions to your health/lifestyle/relationships and worst of all, your sense of self. because you've succumbed to being just like those you onced pitied/scoffed at/never understood. you're not a victim of a flawed social system. you're the agressor. and the one person you're causing the most harm to is yourself. but as much as your choices are obviously errored, you have every right to make them and continue making them.

if these things do not apply to you, then know, that peole like this exist. if they do, then Hello.